


the truth of hope

by I_am_not_crazy_just_passionate



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Angst, Blood, Demon deal, F/M, Forced Abortion, Kidnapping, Pain, Pregnancy, Reader Insert, mention of active sexual life
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-05-24
Updated: 2016-05-12
Packaged: 2018-03-31 22:51:05
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 5
Words: 6,126
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3996058
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/I_am_not_crazy_just_passionate/pseuds/I_am_not_crazy_just_passionate
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Imagine being able to sell your soul to Crowley to bring back your boyfriend, kevin, but his terms are marrying him and forgetting about Kevin<br/>(From the supernaturalimagine.tumblr.com page)</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

Kevin was sweet, Kevin was caring, Kevin was hardworking, Kevin was gentle, Kevin was your boyfriend and there was the problem. Kevin was. 

Because now Kevin is gone, Kevin is nowhere near you, Kevin is dead.

You loved him, he loved you and the worst is the fact that he deserved so much better than that. He deserved so much more than to die as a surprise by someone he didn’t knew, by a secret hidden from him, hidden from you too.

Although you liked the Winchester, you never truly forgave them and you hated yourself for it.

All you wanted was for him to get what he deserved, to get a life and the truth and his family and everything. If that meant you had to play with the dark side, so be it.

Crowley, him, he was everything Kevin wasn’t. You’ve knew him longer than you’ve knew Kevin. You had found yourself felling attracted to him in the past but there was never any feeling what so ever, just physical lust that you managed to brush away as soon as you met Kev.

Yet, here you were, standing in front of the king of hell, tear in your eyes and a soul to offer. You were a blank canvas for him, you knew it, and so did he. Everything was possible because you didn’t care what happened to you, as long as Kevin was there in the end, really there.

-I found it easy to understand why you’re here, love.

-I guess it is.

Crowley seemed somehow serein, sweet. He wasn’t making you feel week by his presence or a lack of comprehension, it was probably because a part of him was human enough to understand that your world was dead and there was no reason to put it down again.

-So, what will it be? My soul? Will I have to beg the great king of hell so he can do something nice? 

-No.

Your eyes were watering, every part of you was asking if he would do it for you. Because it was maybe his revenge for the Winchester, for everything that ever happened to him.

-what?

Your voice broke and his face changed into something emotional, compassion maybe. The problem was, you didn’t knew Crowley was like that, that he could be like that.

-I can’t ask you to die (Y/N).

-Why not! What do you want, I’ll give you anything! Please Crowley!

He let you finish, he watched you cry and sob. Almost falling on the ground, ready to get on your knees for what he could give to you. Maybe that’s what he wanted because he   
didn’t stop you and you kept on going. 

-Get up. 

You did as he asked, whipping out a tear in the moment.

-I have, however, something I would like from you.

-I’ll give it to you! Tell me.

You could feel Kevin’s hand on your shoulder again and you could feel him happy again. 

Hope is a strong thing…

-I want you to give up your life, give up everything you ever knew and be mine.

-What? I don’t understand.

-Become my queen and forget those Winchester, those emotions. Forget everything.

-Are you saying…

-Forget Kevin, let him become nothing more than a bad dream.

…But it can never beat the truth

Your head was a mess, because it could mean the best, it could mean the worst.

-Do you promise he will come back?

-I do.

You looked everywhere, trying to avoid his eyes, trying to avoid your decision.

-Then it’s okay.

A smile crossed the demon’s face and you wanted to run but stayed. Finally, Kevin would get what he deserved, a life, a nice life.

Crowley walked toward you, wanting to make it happen, make you forget but you stopped him because there was something else you wanted him to do.

-But first, I want to see him alive, really.

He nodded and you were transported somewhere else. It was a giant field you couldn’t recognize. Someone was standing in the middle of that field, he was very far away. 

-He doesn’t understand what’s happening to him yet. Can’t blame him, the kid’s back from the dead.

You walked toward the figure and then you ran. You wanted to hug him, to kiss him, to feel every inch of him. You wanted to scream his name, you wanted to hear him say he loved you, you wanted him.

And he was there, standing in the middle of nowhere.

Hope is a strong thing…

-KEVIN!

You screamed but he didn’t looked at you. He was walking in the opposite direction. You were so close. 

Now, you were close enough to not have to scream his name.

-Kevin…

He was looking everywhere, you knew that he was trying to figure out where he was but it could hear you, he should be hearing you.

-Hey, hey, Kevin, I’m here.

You raised your arm to touch his but there was no contact at all. It was like touching the void. Emptiness.

He kept walking and you stopped there, looking at your hand that didn’t felt his skin on yours. Crying.

-KEVIN! I’M HERE, KEVIN! 

Crowley touched your shoulder and leaned closer to your ear.

-You never asked for him to see you.

…but it can never beat the truth.

-YOU BASTARD! 

You tried to get away but with his hand still on your shoulder, you were forced to stay. But Crowley still waited for you to calm down before doing anything.

-A deal is a deal (Y/N). I’m sorry.

He wasn’t, of course he wasn’t but at least he said something nice.

-Now, it’s time for you to become the queen of hell. Are you ready to forget everything about your past?

Your breath wasn’t steady, your heart was beating at an unhealthy timing but you couldn’t escape this. You had to do it, do it for him.

-Yes.

Crowley smile was something you wanted to forget, Kevin wasn’t. So that’s why before he could kiss you, you turned around to look at the one you really loved and whispered I love you to him.

Crowley heard and it got harder to kiss you but he did and when your lips touched his, the world turned around.

You saw people, places, names and one after the other they felt destroying inside your head. Parents, friends, lovers all burned to shred.

Then it got black and you opened your eyes to a new world, next to you was a king, your king and you were the queen.

It seemed as if there was never a life before this moment but at the same time, everything made so much sense.

Behind Crowley was a figure walking away. You didn’t knew who or what it was but a small part of your brain screamed that you were supposed to. It was probably a dream, probably the hope of one.


	2. maybe there's still hope

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> living like that was no dream but every misery still lead to hope

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I added Ashley_Winchester_77 awesome idea of making the reader pregnant so yeah here's that :)

Empty, empty and confusing, that’s what it was like to live your life. You never asked question, at least, that’s what you tried to do because when it did happened and you wanted to know something. Crowley would never answer.

So you continued on ruling hell the best you could. It felt empty. This wasn’t your place and you weren’t a demon but everyone still treated you like one. It was confusing.  
You were distant from everything happening and all the dream you had felt so real. Often about two tall guys who fought a lot but also treated you well, sometimes about an angel with blue eyes and a trench coat. But the best dream and the most common was about someone reading a tablet and then lifting his eyes from it to look at you and to smile. It was simple and short but every time, when he lift his eyes from it you woke up and felt sad.

But it was just a dream.

You didn’t loved Crowley but you tried because he said he loved you. There was something about him that felt so far away, so weird that you simply couldn’t.

But at least the sex was good. Really good. Frequent but consenting and always intense and different. That, you enjoyed. He called you his queen, he cherished you. You were always the center of his attention when you entered a room.

That was maybe one of the few problems you couldn’t talk about, you weren’t really someone, and you were so lost in this world that you became something.  
It was now the fourth morning in a row that you woke up because of an atrocious sickness and ended throwing up. Crowley didn’t knew that, of course he didn’t because he was never there when you woke up.

You were pregnant. It was obvious. Your mind was blank enough not to have to ask question and just to tell.

As you walked to his place, the room where he did all of his meeting or as he called: his idiotic waste of time, you let yourself be light headed. 

One of his minion was blocking the door, he was a new one, probably because he killed the previous guardian for being annoying.

-I need to talk to Crowley.

-He is in an important meeting, he cannot ‘talk’ with someone like you.

-I’m the queen. I can ‘talk’ to whoever I want, whenever I want to. So let me pass.

That, Crowley told you that.

-No.

You rolled your eyes and got out the knife Crowley gave to you a few days ago. He told you that you had the right to stab whoever got into your way, there was no consequences. So you did.

The demon had no time to react and fell down with a scream. Then, you opened the door and walked straight to Crowley.

-Hello darling, I’m sorry I might not have a lot of time…

-I’m pregnant.

His eyes went wide and his jaw dropped.

-Everyone get out.

-But…

-Did I stuttered? I said GET OUT!

Everyone ran out of the room by every door there could be and without getting his eyes out of you Crowley walked toward you.

He put one hand on your chin and calmly asked.

-Are you sure?

You nodded and he put a hand on your belly. A wide smile cut through his face. He hugged you hardly. You felt his stubble on your chin and could easily understand that he was smiling, illuminated by the news. You weren’t, you tried to be, but you weren’t.

-I’m hungry

You finally said, detaching yourself from Crowley and walking away on a light foot.

-Take good care love.

You didn’t answered and instead went right through the door that led to the other world. Earth wasn’t supposed to be your home and yet you felt so much better there.

Crowley usually gave you food in hell, preferring you to stay home but one time you riposted and asked to get out of there and he let you go. You liked to go to the cinema, have a drink at some local bar. Normal, sad people stuff.

You had a particular affection for a fast food restaurant in Kansas City, you couldn’t hold on why. The place had nothing special, the food wasn’t really good but you were attached to it so you didn’t looked deeper into it.

You weren’t especially hungry but ordered something anyway. As you were walking to a table you saw a car parked in front of one of the restaurant’s huge window.  
It was black and shiny, the kind of car you could only imagine in your dreams.

As two men walked in, you observed their faces and one locked his gaze with yours. Unable to old it very long you looked back at your meal, thinking about that face, those eyes and everything. You had only watched him for a split second but somehow were able to remember every detail of his face. Green eyes, some freckles here and there, a sharp jaw line and lips to die for. He was handsome, for sure, but you weren’t able to picture him any way else than what he was, a stranger.

The other one walked in after, you looked at him longer. Long-ish hair, light brown eyes and low brows. Like the man you looked at earlier, he was just there, even if every inch of your brain was trying to tell you otherwise.

When you saw the two of them say something to each others before looking at you, you moved your eyes to the side in shame.

Until they talked to you.

-(Y/N)?

You looked up. They were so close to you, wide eyes and hold in breath. Who were they?

-How do you know my name?

None of them seemed to have heard you because they continued on their nonsense.

-We have been looking everywhere for you! 

-We thought you had sold your soul, I can’t believe…

-I don’t understand.

-Kevin is alive, he’s in the bunker, well and alive.

-who’s Kevin.

That sentence looked like it broke a connection, or maybe it made one because their smile hid behind a deadly gaze, the one of men who realize that no sense had ever existed.

-Please tell me this is just a sick joke?

They were starting to scare you because nothing in their acted was distant. No one who talks to someone for the first time would talk like that.

-I need to go.

Your voice was somehow shaky and you tried to get a hold on to yourself, you were the queen of hell for all sakes, they were the one who were supposed to be afraid, not you.

You stumbled across the restaurant till you could opened the door, walking faster once outside.

The gates of hell could be right in front of you if you wanted, thanks to Crowley, but you still walked on earth as if you wanted to know who those boys were or maybe you did already.

Walking, walking, one foot in front of the other, buried deep in your thoughts and hopes.

Hope of things you didn’t knew about.

That was until a hand gripped your shoulder and obligated your body to turn around. It was too strong for you to do anything except running to hell, but you didn’t.

It was the men from the restaurant with both a devastated and scary look on their faces. No one was around but their car was parked nearby.

-Come with us (Y/N).

-I don’t want…

You were willing to talk and to hear but going with them was too risky even when you were… you.

-I’m sorry but it wasn’t a question.

And you panicked a bit, tried to run and escape but you never really go even If you could. The taller man got behind you and in a second you were in his harm, unable to move.  
As they put you in the car and the motor roared a very small part of your brain was still able to smile and told you that even if your mouth was taped and your hands and feet attached, it was the best thing that could happen, it was the hope your dream were made of.


	3. what's our name?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> you meet them. you meet him. you meet yourself.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks so much to Grannahreadsenochian for helping me with what I had problem with like dialogues and fault and all the bad stuff, she's awesome and she can write too!!!!! af!!!!

You think that tape being ripped out from skin is uncomfortable but it’s not really. In fact it’s extremely painful. You groaned when it went off, looking at the ground to avoid the two men. They had attached your arms and the chair together, your two feet also held on to the wood chair’s legs. Both your ankles and writs chafed by the rope they used.  
Your name was called several times before you answered. It was the way they said it, too familiar, too weird to give profound attention.

‘’What do you want? I have nothing to give,’’ you said.

That was the truth, except for the knife, you were far from a threat at the moment.

‘’This is your last chance (Y/N)’’one of them said, ‘’we won’t ask again: what are our name?’’

They asked that question several time after ripping out the tape, every time you just ignored.

‘’I don’t know!’’ you said

Their jaws clenched in an almost perfect sync.

‘’Why would you even ask me such thing!’’

Your voice was softer and more desperate, you hated being in that position. You would prefer being the one asking questions. 

‘’Who are you then?’’ The taller one added. 

Their question changed, their faces too. Neither of them looked like the idea you make of someone interrogating a prisoner.

‘’You know my name, you said it earlier’’

‘’That’s not the question’’ the other one cut you sharply.

There was a silent, a deadly silent that seemed so loud because the weight of tension felt like it crushed every muscle and bones of your body as slowly and painfully. To the rhythm of a clock but also of everything else surrounding. Waiting till the moment you would answer and their jaws would drop or not, taking away the weight that seemed to be killing you.

‘’I am the queen of hell.’’ You answered hesitantly ‘’I am… That’s what I am’’

Those words coming out of your mouth felt surreal, mainly because here you weren’t a queen, here you were just you. It made you realize that maybe it was why you loved to come to earth so much.

‘’WHAT?’’ The same one that cut you earlier exploded.

‘’No, I don’t believe that crap, there is no queen of hell, just an asshole who likes to pretend that he’s wearing a crown on his head.’’

The smaller one was angry, very angry. But you told the truth, you didn’t understood why he reacted so loudly.

‘’Are you talking about Crowley?’’ you asked in disbelief.

‘’Of course I’m talking about Crowley’’ he answered.

They knew him, they knew a lot and by the look in the taller one’s eyes, you knew that they also knew more about yourself than anyone.

‘’Who are you?’’

One of them hid his face with one hand for a brief moment. You were a burden, another case they had to solve.

‘’Sam Winchester’’ the tall one answered. ‘’And this, this is Dean Winchester.’’ He pointed the man standing by his side ‘’we know you, we’ve known you since you were a teenager. You’ve lived with us for more than four years…’’

‘’That can’t be possible’’

You shook your head, laughing at the thought of any of this being nothing but false.

‘’It is (Y/N), your favorite color is blue, and you are afraid of the dark but only told a few people about it, you can draw very well but you never admitted it. You’ve read Harry Potter seven times and you have no cooking skills whatsoever.’’ He started.

You recognized yourself, things no one in hell knew, no one wanted to know. But it got weirder.

‘’you’re a hunter’’ he continued ‘’your parents died when you were twelve, you’ve traveled from home to home until you were eighteen and you found out about the supernatural, that’s when you met us, that’s when you became our friend.’’

He looked desperate, And you lost it, because now you couldn’t recognize yourself anymore. 

‘’No, I’m not. I live in hell, side by side with the King, Crowley. He loves me!’’ you shouted, trying to convince them, trying to convince yourself to.

‘’Alright,’’ 

The angry one, Dean was talking again 

‘’maybe that’s true but what about before?’’ he asked.

‘’What about it’’

‘’Who were you before this, before Crowley? Where did you lived?’’ He bombarded you with his question as if he wanted his sharp words to cut your skin until he found out this unsure truth living on the edge of a lie.

You wanted to cry but unfortunately you were held back.

‘’I don’t know!’’ you shouted violently.

You turned your head trying to hide the tears growing out of your eyes. You stayed in the dark of your lids for a second, trying the best you could to find peace in this nonsense.   
To your surprise, they started to untie you.

‘’We’ll figure this out (Y/N).’’ Dean said.

But the problem was, you didn’t knew what you had to figure because you knew who you were, you knew everything there was to know.

Dean turned to his brother and with a calm voice talked again

‘’Kevin will be here very soon, what should we do with her?’’

They talked about that Kevin before and you still had no idea who he was.

Maybe he was someone important.

‘’I don’t know but for now the most important is to hide her before Crowley starts to give us a hard time.’’ Sam answered, seemingly ignoring you.

‘’What, no! I don’t want to be hidden.’’ You cried.

‘’Trust us’’ Sam said ‘’it’s better this way.’’

‘’He’ll be mad furious if he learn that I didn’t came home, I always come home.’’ You begged.

Sam licked his lips before talking with a soft voice

‘’You’re home now.’’

You stepped back ready to go at any time.

‘’I’m not, we’re not. Hell is our home!’’

‘’we?’’ Dean asked hesitantly.

You touched your belly instinctively and they looked chocked, more than when you didn’t recognized them, more than when you didn’t recognized yourself.

‘’You’re pregnant?’’ Sam breathed, it was hardly a question.

You nodded, suddenly more stressed than before, realizing that you had to run from them because that thing growing inside of you didn’t belonged on earth.

You tried to go back but it didn’t worked. It always worked! It was this place obligating you to rot here, to scream until the walls rip apart and the roof falls on you. It became harder to breath, harder to live. 

‘’WHY CAN’T I GO BACK? I NEED TO GO BACK!’’ you cried in desperation.

They held you in their arms, you just panicked and eventually you collapsed. It was probably the two side of your soul fighting again.  
Panic is strong because it means that your brain is so focus on everything at the same time that he can’t do anything anymore so he just sets an alarm and boom. 

Boom and boom. Until there is no sound anymore and you are just lying there, not able to move, a vague memory of the previous panic making it impossible to truly relax.

And then you wake up and when you look at the clock it’s way later than before.

For you, it’s in a small room, not really dark because the door is half open and the hallway light is on.

There are voices far away from your ear, things that are spoken and that you can’t understand for more reason than the one people admit. So you try to change that, to walk and to get closer to those voices but then you realize that you’re tied down to that bed your laying on and that there is no way you can reach an escape. You can feel your body again and all the things that hurt and that’s how you also see that your knife is gone. You are just a voice trapped inside a body who can’t do anything but to scream.

So you do.

The voices stopped and for a second there is only your scream and it feels so powerful. But it doesn’t last long because then there is the sound of people running and of someone protesting. 

Sam enters the room first. No one follows.

He’s worried and you can see from the look on his face that he’s been worried for a long time and that it didn’t started because of you. But when you stop screaming and that he sees that you’re not hurt a soft sigh escape from his lips and a part of you likes to think that there’s also relief in that sigh.

But your soft side for that man doesn’t stay long.

‘’I need to see Crowley. NOW!’’

‘’No.’’ he answered sharply.

Your whole body is shaking, you’re frustrated and the ropes that tie your arms to either side of the bed don’t help.

‘’I swear with what’s left of me that I’ll get out of here and when I’ll come back I’ll be more than happy to show you what hell is all about!’’ you hiss with anger.  
You tried to be mean, to scare him but it didn’t work.

‘’we just want to help you.’’

Sam walked toward you and you tensed up. He started to loosen the ropes that held you captive and you flinched at his touch. He saw that movement and tried to forget it but it couldn’t be done.

As he was doing so, a loud protest came from the other side of the door and another guy ran inside the room. It wasn’t Dean, he was someone else.

You knew him but couldn’t find out why. You knew his face, his lips, his eyes. You recognized his voice before he started talking, you had no memories of moment passed with him or even of a name. But you knew him.

And kevin knew you.


	4. About it.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> And that's how it was suppose to go.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ok this chapter may get quite triggering at the end. If you are easily offended you may not want to read it.

His breath was heavy, he had so much to say but all the words he had been holding in for this moment were stuck in his throat.   
Then, he remembered the words and when he opened his mouth.

‘’Who are you?’’ you cut him off

He frowned as a reaction, not because you didn’t recognized him but also because Sam and Dean were right, you weren’t the same. Kevin tried to make them understand that maybe if he saw you, all the memories would come rushing back again.

It wasn’t the case.

‘’I’m Kevin.’’ He answered.

He wanted to tell you how much he missed you and how bad it was not having you in his arm. He wanted to finally admit he was scared of dying again but you wouldn’t listen so he only said his name.

You got up, finally free from the rope, and walked toward the new presence. His eyes were watering up and there was no reason for it, no reason you knew of. It was just sadness.

‘’Can I talk to her alone?’’ Kevin asked to the two men.

‘’I don’t think it’s a good idea Kevin’’ Dean said calmly, getting between you and him.

‘’Just a minute, please’’ He begged and you didn’t understood.

Why him, why now? The voice inside your head kept screaming the answer but it was as if a darkness kept strangling it.

There was a silence from Sam and Dean during which the brothers just looked at each others, deciding what they should do.

‘’alright’’ Dean sighed ‘’but only one minute, she’s not… She’s not ready to hear everything…’’

‘’I know’’ Kevin continued.

You didn’t knew, you didn’t knew anything and it scared you.

When the two brothers left the room, Kevin rushed towards you and pulled you into a hug.

You instantly pushed him back, not prepared for this sort of affection. Scared.

‘’What do you want from me?’’ you asked, petrified by him, petrified by his attitude.

‘’You really don’t remember anything?’’ he replied.

You didn’t responded because there was nothing to add, he knew the answer.

‘’You don’t remember me? You can’t even remember that day at the beach?’’

‘’What?’’ you asked.

He moved closer, as an attempt to grab your hand but only by the look you gave him he knew it wasn’t the right thing to do. But maybe if he explain… maybe it would all be okay.

‘’You and I decided to ran off from the bunker for one night. And I told you I loved you and you said that you loved me too. You said you loved me!’’ he tried so hard not to look defeated by the story, by you.

‘’At the beach.’’ you added thinking about it hard.

You remembered that day at the beach. But it wasn’t a memory it was dream. A dream you had weeks ago.

‘’I know you’’ you finally added.

To which he answered with a smile, a brightening but sad smile.

‘’You come from my dream’’ 

His smile didn’t weakened from this because it was still better, it was still good.  
There was hope.

‘’I don’t. This is real (Y/N) and I’m right here.’’

This time he really did grabbed your hand and you didn’t rejected him. Because as soon as his finger touched yours you felt good. Maybe not protected, maybe not out of pain but it was good because he loved you.

And maybe that part of yours who’s scream was somewhat muffled was saying that you love him too, like that dream at the beach.

That memory from the beach.

‘’I am too’’ You whispered.

‘’You are what?’’ 

‘’I am right here. With you.’’

He nodded and smiled. It was good, it was hope it was everything you didn’t had with the other one, the demon one, the one you were supposed to love.  
But it couldn’t last long because you fell to your knees, stroked by a violent headaches, like if you were the target of a hammer shot. It was intense and felt like torture.

You screamed, at least you tried because you couldn’t hear anything, you couldn’t even open your eyes.

But that boy, Kevin still held your hands at that was probably the only thing keeping you from dying at the moment.

It was Crowley, you knew it. He was pissed as he had never been, you seen him do the same thing to one of his minion once. It had been something you even had trouble to watch considering that you knew that he didn’t deserved it, or didn’t deserved all of it.

He had told you at that time that it was witchcraft. He liked to put a hex bag or two somewhere in the clothes of his servant to make sure they would be punished if something bad happened.

But you’d never could have guessed that he did the same to you. It must be because he feared that one day you would run away. He feared this day.

Kevin was still by your side but as second went away his presence was getting almost intrusive. Everything of your surrounding were melting into the sharp pain you were experiencing and it was that intense that you almost didn’t noticed when the Winchester got into the room.

You could hear them trying to figure out what was wrong and you wished you could tell them what you already knew but it was as if the pressure in your head was strong enough   
to keep you away from saying anything.

‘’Hex bag’’ Dean muttered for himself at first. ‘’Hex bags! We need to find an hex bag’’

‘’NOW!’’ you heard that last word but it was because the pressure in your head had lowered a bit and now it was in your throat. So it was definitively worse because it wasn’t just about pain, it was a life or death situation.

You could feel your face turning blue and you held on to the nearest thing and it was Sam’s sleeve and for a brief moment you looked each other in the eye and you recognized him.

The time stopped and you asked yourself if those dream about two brothers could actually be memories of him and Dean.

The pressure once again lowered and this time it was at the level of your heart. But not only that, there was also your ribs and the bones of your back, crushed by what it felt like ten running horses.

And it lowered faster until it suddenly stopped.

The boys had burned the hex bag that Crowley had hidden in the silver handle of your angel blade.

You let out a relieved breath and laid your head on the ground, trying to catch up.

‘’Are you okay?’’ Dean asked with a low voice.

You nodded. 

Everyone stayed on the ground for around ten second, taking the moment to take back their breath and contain their emotion.  
It wasn’t until Sam said something that you realised what was actually happening here.

‘’You’re bleeding’’

And then everyone saw the puddle of blood you were laying in. Starting from your crotch to all around your legs.

It was dead, Crowley had just killed the idea of a child, he had realized before you that there was no way this deal could have worked any longer.   
Hope was stronger than him at this point.

But he wasn’t merciful. The demon who made you marry him would take away what he had done and everyone he had save, it was just a question of time and hope wouldn’t be strong enough for this.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> it's not that bad but at the same time I would get why it's not fluff...


	5. Back and dead

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Everyone is sad and everything is bloody.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It has been months since I last edited this work and I'm feeling like I should write the last part. Hope you enjoy.

Three months. Three months since Crowley killed his own child, the one inside your womb.

After that night you'd passed two weeks in the hospital for recovery since the witchcraft not only broke some of your rib but caused an internal bleeding that almost cost your life. Kevin stayed by your side all the fourteen weeks that you stayed there. Then he took care of you in the bunker until you were able to do it yourself.

The Winchesters took care of you too. They brought you meals and would talk to you sometimes. Particularly Sam, like one night when Kevin had to go someplace with Dean and Sam stayed with you and you played cards. You remember one question he asked you that time:

''You really don't remember anything?'' 

To witch you answered:  
''No, not really. But I do had some dreams and you guys were in it. Mostly Kevin. I can understand bits and pieces at time but even if I know they are memories... for me they aren't''

''And Crowley... How was he? I mean, with you...''

You grinned, thinking about how sad it was that the only memories you had were about the demon that impregnated you and then almost killed you.  
''He was good. As good as a demon can be I mean. He wouldn't lay a hand on me without me agreeing first but even with that level of respect, I was still his object. I was there to help him feel human I think. He wasn't all bad until that...''  
And you shut because there was no good reason to bring that night in front of him or even in front of anyone.

''And do you miss him?'' That was risky question, even cruel one to ask to you but Sam wanted that answer.

Sadly you didn't wanted to give it to him, so you just smiled and continued to play cards in silence. You didn't wanted to admit to him that there wasn't one day where you weren't thinking about that cruel, vile demon. There wasn't one hour where you didn't missed him and that was the reason that you were so miserable.

After one week of being in bed, you started to feel good enough to walk on your own. Kevin would still follow you everywhere. That man was the funniest, the nicest and simply the one you needed. But there was a curse standing upon your head. You still felt able to slowly fall in love with Kevin all over again.   
He did everything he could to achieve that. He would tell you stories of things you did together and even if you knew he made some of them up, it felt both amazing and sad to hear them. That man never stopped to love you.

But you did, you stopped and you forgot everything. From the moment you and Crowley were together and to that day where Kevin told you about that day at the beach, you had stopped entirely to love him. You felt extremely guilty about it, that's why one night you decided to go.

You left a goodbye note to thank the boys for taking care of you. Without actually writing everything you felt, just thanks and bye.

Little did you knew that when Kevin woke up the next morning and saw the goodbye letter he too ran away with the idea to find you again but he didn't knew you were too far gone for him to ever find you again.   
Because when Kevin got out from heaven there was an empty place and you decided that would all be better if you were the one filling it up so that maybe, once dead, you would forget Crowley and remember Kevin again. so that maybe you'll just be waiting with a smile for the one you love.


End file.
